The Lesson

Yesterday was rough.  I have to admit, it was worse than rough.  It was a disaster. Or was it?

The day started out like many others with the kids waking early and me and my husband just wishing for a few more minutes of sleep.  But we all got up, had breakfast and then I sat down to begin to prepare for our lessons.

The warning signs were there.  The table where we work was a mess.  The kids were all bouncing off the walls.  No one could focus.  Not my daughter, not me.  But I missed them.  I thought, "It is time for school, we have to start now."

Everything we tried to begin was met with moans and groans of "I don't want to!" or "When do we get to do math?"  Eventually I thought, if math is going to help bring us into focus, then let's move to math.  However, even math was an unusual struggle.  Inside I started yelling in my brain "I AM DONE! NO SCHOOL TODAY!"  Or at least I thought I said it in my head.  My daughter looked at me and said, "I think you are right mommy.  No school today." Off she ran to play with her sisters.

I sat at the table for a moment and thought, "What just happened?"

Insert giant sigh of defeat here.

Instead of doing what I am used to doing (self judgment, self criticism) I instantly heard in my head the voice of another homeschooling mom.  Some days, it just won't work.  Don't fight.  Give in.  Tomorrow is another day.

We did just that. 

I got on the floor and played with all my kids and my friend's daughter who came to visit.  We had snacks, made messes.  Every now and then I would throw out multiplication problems at my daughter.  Or I would ask her to spell one of her spelling words if it came up in conversation.  We talked about sharing.  We talked about Veteran's Day.  My two oldest went on a school field trip in the afternoon and when they came back we read stories.  My daughter played on the iPad some of her favorite games - Sudoku, word scrambles, math quizzes.

Last night, after successfully getting everyone to sleep, I was finally alone and reflected back on the day.  Where did I go wrong?  The judgments started creeping in.  What if I had prepared the table the night before?  What if I did some sort of centering activity to start the day?  What if I had insisted my husband remove the other kids from the learning space?  What if, what if, WHAT IF?

"STOP THE WHAT IFS!" I screamed at myself (luckily this time it really was in my head).

Did we sit down and work through workbooks and readings and journaling?  No.  Did we "do school"?  I would argue we absolutely did.  Did my daughter learn?  I would argue all 3 did.  They learned about being flexible, adjusting to the situation.  They learned that sometimes you have to follow the rules, but sometimes it is ok to do something differently.  We did a different kind of learning.  Learning through play, through teamwork, through imagination.  It may not have fit the mold of traditional schooling, but isn't that what this home schooling this is all about?  Meeting the needs of the child where he or she is today.  Not yesterday and not tomorrow, but now.

Speaking of now, we are back at our table.  My daughter is focused and excitedly writing a script for a play. It is a better start by all accounts as there is no whining, no struggling.  But a part of me knows that this could break down at any moment.  If and when it does, I am ready to be flexible, to go with the flow, to not judge.  We are all learning here.  We just have to be wise enough to see the lesson through the chaos.

Sleep!?

Ahh. Sleep.

As in, I slept. As in, my daughter is sleeping. As in, a miracle has happened at our home.

I always thought if my daughter was adequately challenged with school,  she would sleep. And so I have been keeping track. Every day that we have home schooled so far, my daughter has slept past 6am. In fact, closer to 7. And because of this, everyone is sleeping more.

Therefore, homeschooling is officially life changing already.

I have to be honest. So far homeschooling has had its ups and downs. It is not only exhausting for my daughter, but for me as well. Juggling the other 2 little ones is tricky and we are still working on figuring out how to make it work smoothly. It is working, but there are definitely moments when the baby is nursing, the 2 year old is begging for lunch and the oldest is stuck on a vocabulary assignment. There is only 1 me. My husband is home right now and that helps, but he won't always be. I have to figure out the juggling before that changes.

Since my oldest is now actually feeling challenged, she needs extra help and support too. She needs reassurance that it is ok to not know everything right away. That school is about learning, not knowing. This is different for her and a little scary. But when you ask her how she feels about doing school at home she will tell you how much she loves it. How much happier she is. Even if it is harder.

I have been very happy so far with the opportunities we have to interact with other families. Today I brought the 2 little ones along while the oldest was in her live class. They both loved playing with the other kids. My 2 year old went to art class with the big kids. I hung out with the moms and planned the school Thanksgiving dinner we will host in 2 weeks. Next week we go on a field trip. My oldest also is in Girl Scouts. We have been bringing the girls to the local UU church on Sundays and they are in their Sunday school program. My fear of my kids not getting enough socialization is disappearing. We are in fact so busy, it is almost dizzying!

I don't know how long we will homeschool.  Definitely this school year. Maybe next. What I do know though is that as long as my daughter is sleeping, I am getting more sleep. As long as I am sleeping more, I am happy. And of course as long as she is sleeping, and laughing and excited, I know she is happy and fulfilled.

So far, so good.

3 Days In

This week was such a whirlwind.

Wednesday evening when the curriculum appeared on our online learning environment, I sat down with my computer, a cup of coffee and started reading my instructions on how to do this whole Learning Coach thing. Learning Coach is my role in this experiment called homeschooling. At first I felt energized. How exciting! My daughter will be learning about ancient Rome! We will be building an art portfolio.  She will actually be learning new things in math.

But then I found the section labeled Advanced Prep. My heart started to race. Index cards? Oh no, we don't have index cards. Poster board, a 3 ring binder, a dictionary!! We don't have any of these things ready and school officially starts tomorrow!!! I sent my husband to the store with a list and called to add on to it 3 more times while he was there as I read about needing additional things like rice and a funnel for a science experiment. How could I not have rice?!

Ok, deep breath. Go to sleep, tomorrow is the big day. And now we have rice.

Thursday morning my daughter was up by 5:30am begging to start school. I was able to hold her off until 7am when her excitement was actually contagious and we decided to get started. She worked happily through math and spelling.  She was thrilled when I noticed her fidgeting and suggested she do some of her work standing up. We took jumping jack breaks and played math and spelling games. She read stories to her sisters. And she protested when I said I needed a break to get ready for our outing.

I love the renewed energy I saw in her.

Thursday is the day the school gets all the kids together at a local gymnasium. They have an hour of instruction with their peers and then an hour for a fun activity. The moms (and some dads) all get to hang out and socialize while the younger siblings have informal play dates. Some even sit in with their older sibling's class and get the chance to hear stories or learn math.

If you know me, you know that going to a place to socialize with people I don't know is terrifying. Something on the scale of my absolute worst nightmare. But this was different. The women were so welcoming to me. I instantly connected with 2 moms and the time flew by as we shared our stories and struggles. They are both fairly new to this too and gave me great tips on how to ease in rather than jump in. One mom even invited us to her house for a birthday party next week. I felt at home with these women. Two other moms struggling to figure out what was best for their kids and landing in this new world of homeschooling.  I realized quickly that I would benefit from this Thursday class time even more than my daughter. These women and the other parents I had yet to meet will become my community. My support. Maybe I will only ever speak to them once or maybe we will become close friends. Who knows?

What I do know is that we share a journey now and we have touched each other's lives. Homeschooling is not just the journey of the child, but the journey of the parents too. The journey of the family.

It is Saturday and I am happy for a break from school. But I am also excited for Monday when I anticipate my daughter jumping into my bed early begging to learn. Her excitement and passion for knowledge is contagious. I realized yesterday as I sat with her learning about hieroglyphics and cuneiform that she was not the only one who would be challenged. I am learning things along with her. Not just about ancient Egypt, but about patience, flexibility and not always being prepared. But no matter what Monday morning brings, one thing is for sure.

I have index cards and rice.

What more could we ask for?