Letting Go

If I asked you to describe the ideal learning environment, how would you reply?

I imagine most would respond with something similar to what we consider a traditional classroom and would include words like "schedules, structured, quiet, organized, desk, chair, notebooks, pencils, books, lack of distractions, student, teacher, discipline, rules, chalkboard, interactive."

The list could go on and on, but you get the idea. The major theme in my general beliefs about educating children would be the hierarchical setup. There is a teacher and there are students. There are rules. And most of the rules revolve around how the children are expected to behave in relation to each other and their teacher. These rules are in place to make the day flow smoothly and to optimize the learning environment for the students.

I have always been and will always be amazed at the super heroes that lead a group of up to 30 children (or more in some areas!) every day through their schooling. I have no idea how they control them. I can barely keep my 3 under control! Yet I have witnessed the miracle these teachers do day in and day out. They teach, they nurture, they enhance the lives of our children and keep the control somehow.

If they can do it with 30, I certainly can do it teaching 1, right?

HA!

The parent as educator dynamic has proven to be something much more difficult to morph into. It has been a month. By now I was sure we would be in a strict routine. I had visions of my daughter sitting quietly and working independently while I nursed the baby, folded laundry and read stories to my 2 year old.

Let me repeat:

HA!

Some days I have felt like Wonder Woman and others I have wondered what the hell I am doing. We have had days where my Betty Homeschooler image was accomplished (maybe 2) and other days where I threw my hands up in defeat and decided to start again tomorrow.

I am not someone who likes to fail. In fact, I am probably one of the most successful procrastinators you will ever meet. Just ask my grad school buddies who can attest to the fact that I never opened a book to start a paper until the night before it was due, yet still managed to get an A every assignment.  However, there is no place for procrastination in my role as educator in my home. If I let that part of me participate, we wouldn't touch the curriculum until May and we would be screwed for sure.

So the past week or so I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to really do this homeschool thing well and I came upon a new word. Deschooling.

Deschooling? What is deschooling?

There is a general belief among many experienced homeschooling parents that between the end of B&M (brick and mortar) schooling and homeschooling,  there is a necessary cooling off period for transitioning. This period of time is ideally a time with no structured schooling. Let your kids be kids. See what they are interested in. By their very nature, kids love to explore and learn. While at first you may worry you will end up in a month worth of crappy Disney channel programming, all of the sites and groups and experienced parents have offered reassurances that the opposite will happen. That you will connect differently. That your children will heal from the parts of B&M that were hard or damaging for them, etc. More than anything, this cool off period is really for parents to let go of their beliefs about traditional learning. And let's face it, we all do have our beliefs (see above). The recommended deschooling period is 1 month for every year of public school your child has completed.

Well, technically my daughter is still in public school so I don't have the luxury of taking a month or two off as though it is July. However I stumbled upon this concept just as we started our week of Thanksgiving vacation. Good timing, right?  Especially since I had considered not taking a true vacation for fear of getting out of our routine and really messing things up.

But I did it. We had a basically rule free, "school" free week. I let my daughters run free. And I ran with them as I could. I let them guide what we did. And boy did they have ideas! Designing castles, making snowflakes, building a solar system model, baking cupcakes, dancing, singing, reading. They were so full of life and enthusiasm, it was very contagious. And yes, they watched tv. Probably too much. But they smiled. They laughed. They were excited to have some control over their world. It was overall an amazingly successful lesson to me about letting go and letting be.

As the week unfolded, I realized I needed to incorporate more of this into our homeschooling. Yes, we do have required work to do. But what if we could make it more fun? What if my kids could teach me their lessons? Or teach each other? Does my daughter really need to spend an hour with her nose in the computer learning math that I could teach her in 10 minutes? What if instead of answering worksheet questions repetitively we acted out our stories and held family discussions on literature the kids enjoyed (required reading and their own books or library choices)? What if spelling tests were done on a dry erase board in bright rainbow colors? Why are pencils so damn important anyway? And the couch is just a good a place as any to learn history.

Letting go is so powerful. Letting go of preconceived notions and learning that not every situation fits a certain mold is empowering. Letting go of the struggle and having fun has changed the entire dynamic of this crazy homeschool thing already. Not only are my kids enjoying it more, but I am too.

The past 2 days we have been able to log 14 hours of school attendence. Probably 3 hours of that was spent sitting doing traditional school work. The rest was spent having fun. Talking to my children, reading with them, doing crafts and researching science. Field trip to the bank! Do you know how exciting it can be to learn about banks? I didn't either, but for my 6 year old it was as exciting as a day at the zoo. She is learning that her classroom is not walled in. Her classroom is the world. Everything is a learning experience.  And man, she is one happy and engaged little girl.

Oh and her mom? I am feeling much happier and more engaged too. I am letting go of preconceived notions of what I have to do to make this venture successful.  Instead I am focused on what I can do to make it fun. I am learning right along side her. I find myself asking more questions and researching things I never would have given a second thought before.

When you let go, you make room to let in.

When you can receive the world around you, you are truly learning.

P.S. I can let go of a lot of traditional beliefs,  but I will still always be very proud of an excellent report card!

The Lesson

Yesterday was rough.  I have to admit, it was worse than rough.  It was a disaster. Or was it?

The day started out like many others with the kids waking early and me and my husband just wishing for a few more minutes of sleep.  But we all got up, had breakfast and then I sat down to begin to prepare for our lessons.

The warning signs were there.  The table where we work was a mess.  The kids were all bouncing off the walls.  No one could focus.  Not my daughter, not me.  But I missed them.  I thought, "It is time for school, we have to start now."

Everything we tried to begin was met with moans and groans of "I don't want to!" or "When do we get to do math?"  Eventually I thought, if math is going to help bring us into focus, then let's move to math.  However, even math was an unusual struggle.  Inside I started yelling in my brain "I AM DONE! NO SCHOOL TODAY!"  Or at least I thought I said it in my head.  My daughter looked at me and said, "I think you are right mommy.  No school today." Off she ran to play with her sisters.

I sat at the table for a moment and thought, "What just happened?"

Insert giant sigh of defeat here.

Instead of doing what I am used to doing (self judgment, self criticism) I instantly heard in my head the voice of another homeschooling mom.  Some days, it just won't work.  Don't fight.  Give in.  Tomorrow is another day.

We did just that. 

I got on the floor and played with all my kids and my friend's daughter who came to visit.  We had snacks, made messes.  Every now and then I would throw out multiplication problems at my daughter.  Or I would ask her to spell one of her spelling words if it came up in conversation.  We talked about sharing.  We talked about Veteran's Day.  My two oldest went on a school field trip in the afternoon and when they came back we read stories.  My daughter played on the iPad some of her favorite games - Sudoku, word scrambles, math quizzes.

Last night, after successfully getting everyone to sleep, I was finally alone and reflected back on the day.  Where did I go wrong?  The judgments started creeping in.  What if I had prepared the table the night before?  What if I did some sort of centering activity to start the day?  What if I had insisted my husband remove the other kids from the learning space?  What if, what if, WHAT IF?

"STOP THE WHAT IFS!" I screamed at myself (luckily this time it really was in my head).

Did we sit down and work through workbooks and readings and journaling?  No.  Did we "do school"?  I would argue we absolutely did.  Did my daughter learn?  I would argue all 3 did.  They learned about being flexible, adjusting to the situation.  They learned that sometimes you have to follow the rules, but sometimes it is ok to do something differently.  We did a different kind of learning.  Learning through play, through teamwork, through imagination.  It may not have fit the mold of traditional schooling, but isn't that what this home schooling this is all about?  Meeting the needs of the child where he or she is today.  Not yesterday and not tomorrow, but now.

Speaking of now, we are back at our table.  My daughter is focused and excitedly writing a script for a play. It is a better start by all accounts as there is no whining, no struggling.  But a part of me knows that this could break down at any moment.  If and when it does, I am ready to be flexible, to go with the flow, to not judge.  We are all learning here.  We just have to be wise enough to see the lesson through the chaos.

Sleep!?

Ahh. Sleep.

As in, I slept. As in, my daughter is sleeping. As in, a miracle has happened at our home.

I always thought if my daughter was adequately challenged with school,  she would sleep. And so I have been keeping track. Every day that we have home schooled so far, my daughter has slept past 6am. In fact, closer to 7. And because of this, everyone is sleeping more.

Therefore, homeschooling is officially life changing already.

I have to be honest. So far homeschooling has had its ups and downs. It is not only exhausting for my daughter, but for me as well. Juggling the other 2 little ones is tricky and we are still working on figuring out how to make it work smoothly. It is working, but there are definitely moments when the baby is nursing, the 2 year old is begging for lunch and the oldest is stuck on a vocabulary assignment. There is only 1 me. My husband is home right now and that helps, but he won't always be. I have to figure out the juggling before that changes.

Since my oldest is now actually feeling challenged, she needs extra help and support too. She needs reassurance that it is ok to not know everything right away. That school is about learning, not knowing. This is different for her and a little scary. But when you ask her how she feels about doing school at home she will tell you how much she loves it. How much happier she is. Even if it is harder.

I have been very happy so far with the opportunities we have to interact with other families. Today I brought the 2 little ones along while the oldest was in her live class. They both loved playing with the other kids. My 2 year old went to art class with the big kids. I hung out with the moms and planned the school Thanksgiving dinner we will host in 2 weeks. Next week we go on a field trip. My oldest also is in Girl Scouts. We have been bringing the girls to the local UU church on Sundays and they are in their Sunday school program. My fear of my kids not getting enough socialization is disappearing. We are in fact so busy, it is almost dizzying!

I don't know how long we will homeschool.  Definitely this school year. Maybe next. What I do know though is that as long as my daughter is sleeping, I am getting more sleep. As long as I am sleeping more, I am happy. And of course as long as she is sleeping, and laughing and excited, I know she is happy and fulfilled.

So far, so good.

3 Days In

This week was such a whirlwind.

Wednesday evening when the curriculum appeared on our online learning environment, I sat down with my computer, a cup of coffee and started reading my instructions on how to do this whole Learning Coach thing. Learning Coach is my role in this experiment called homeschooling. At first I felt energized. How exciting! My daughter will be learning about ancient Rome! We will be building an art portfolio.  She will actually be learning new things in math.

But then I found the section labeled Advanced Prep. My heart started to race. Index cards? Oh no, we don't have index cards. Poster board, a 3 ring binder, a dictionary!! We don't have any of these things ready and school officially starts tomorrow!!! I sent my husband to the store with a list and called to add on to it 3 more times while he was there as I read about needing additional things like rice and a funnel for a science experiment. How could I not have rice?!

Ok, deep breath. Go to sleep, tomorrow is the big day. And now we have rice.

Thursday morning my daughter was up by 5:30am begging to start school. I was able to hold her off until 7am when her excitement was actually contagious and we decided to get started. She worked happily through math and spelling.  She was thrilled when I noticed her fidgeting and suggested she do some of her work standing up. We took jumping jack breaks and played math and spelling games. She read stories to her sisters. And she protested when I said I needed a break to get ready for our outing.

I love the renewed energy I saw in her.

Thursday is the day the school gets all the kids together at a local gymnasium. They have an hour of instruction with their peers and then an hour for a fun activity. The moms (and some dads) all get to hang out and socialize while the younger siblings have informal play dates. Some even sit in with their older sibling's class and get the chance to hear stories or learn math.

If you know me, you know that going to a place to socialize with people I don't know is terrifying. Something on the scale of my absolute worst nightmare. But this was different. The women were so welcoming to me. I instantly connected with 2 moms and the time flew by as we shared our stories and struggles. They are both fairly new to this too and gave me great tips on how to ease in rather than jump in. One mom even invited us to her house for a birthday party next week. I felt at home with these women. Two other moms struggling to figure out what was best for their kids and landing in this new world of homeschooling.  I realized quickly that I would benefit from this Thursday class time even more than my daughter. These women and the other parents I had yet to meet will become my community. My support. Maybe I will only ever speak to them once or maybe we will become close friends. Who knows?

What I do know is that we share a journey now and we have touched each other's lives. Homeschooling is not just the journey of the child, but the journey of the parents too. The journey of the family.

It is Saturday and I am happy for a break from school. But I am also excited for Monday when I anticipate my daughter jumping into my bed early begging to learn. Her excitement and passion for knowledge is contagious. I realized yesterday as I sat with her learning about hieroglyphics and cuneiform that she was not the only one who would be challenged. I am learning things along with her. Not just about ancient Egypt, but about patience, flexibility and not always being prepared. But no matter what Monday morning brings, one thing is for sure.

I have index cards and rice.

What more could we ask for?

Taking the Plunge

Homeschooling.  It isn't exactly what I expected to be doing with my days, but here I am about to embark on the journey of educating my daughter at home.  You are probably thinking the same things I am so before we go any further, let's throw all the questions and judgements out there so we get this part out of the way:

What in the world are you thinking?!  You must be crazy!  The best place for children is in school.  Homeschooling is a weird hippie thing to do.  Kids need to be with other kids.  How will your daughter ever learn social skills?  Do you know enough to teach your daughter at home?  You have two other kids to take care of, have you thought of that?  How will you keep sane?  Won't your daughter be lonely?  The school is responsible for meeting your child's needs.  Why would you do this?

Have I missed anything?  I am sure I have, but this at least gets us started with the thoughts floating through my mind as I have made this decision. 

And speaking of making the decision, this decision was not made lightly.  It was made along with the love and support of my husband, family, school teachers, counselors and principals (yes, more than 1 was consulted).  It was perhaps one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made.

Oh and yes, it was made with my daughter too.  In fact, homeschooling is something we have considered for well over a year.  And in the past few weeks it is something my daughter has begged us to do.  What makes a six year old beg to be taught at home?  Doesn't she want to be in school with friends and having fun?  For my daughter the answer is both yes and no.  Yes, of course she wants to be with friends.  But my daughter has a thirst for knowledge which is almost impossible to fill.  Just ask her preschool teachers who at 3 years old told me, "You better watch out with this one, she is going to be like Doogie Howser, practicing medicine by the time she is a teenager!"  I would laugh at these comments on the surface, but deep down inside I was terrified.  They were seeing what I had known for a while.  There is something special about my daughter.

Now of course everyone thinks their child is special and everyone is correct.  I guess special isn't the best word.  Different.  Yes, there is something different about my daughter.

My daughter needs and wants to be learning during almost every waking moment of her day.  And her waking hours usually start by 4am and end around 9 or 10pm depending on how stimulated she has been during the day.  Don't get me wrong.  She also loves to play.  And like any kid she also loves tv.  But her love of learning outweighs any other activity.  Give her a math workbook and a pencil and you won't see her for hours.

This year found my girl at six years old in second grade.  Emotionally she belongs in second grade.  She gets along well with her peers and has common interests.  But academically, she has been struggling.  Not struggling to learn, struggling with boredom.  We have tried many different things.  She is involved in after school activities.  She plays challenging games on the computer.  We play math and science games with her at home.  The school counselor started her with the activities the third grade gifted kids were using.  Still, not enough.  The school's best suggestion was to give her more work.  More work?  Punish her for being smart?  This didn't feel right to me. Research, meetings, discussions, tears.

And here we are.  As I write this, my daughter sits next to me happily playing games about division after a full day of school work.  School work we did together at home.

In all my research, I learned that homeschooling is a huge task and can be very intimidating.  However I also learned that our school district realized that some kids simply have the need to be taught at home.  Therefore, they have implemented a public school homeschooling program to make it a lot easier for parents like me.  Parents that think homeschooling may be a good option, but are terrified of it.  Parents who are organized enough to run a household, but not to figure out a curriculum.  Parents with other kids running around that they need to attend to, but that have spent days, weeks and months worrying about their child in school, struggling for what ever reason to have the education they deserve.  Parents like me who said they would never home school because of the lack of socialization.

Finding out about this public school homeschooling option became a game changer for our family.  Meetings, discussions and finally relief.  Everyone agreed this could be a viable option and we have decided to try it out.  With this program, my daughter gets to learn at her own level and at her own pace.  The school system is providing an online curriculum supplemented by books, manipulatives, science tools and art supplies.  Every week she has an hour "virtual class" run by her teacher.  Yes, she has a public school teacher supporting her (and us!) every step of the way.  And once a week we will go to a community meeting place for live classes with her peers and activities like gym, music and art.  Don't forget about the twice a month field trips as well!

This is all still very new and scary.  Everything has happened so quickly and the answers to all the questions, judgements and doubts still remain to be found.  For now, I know I feel a peace in my heart about my daughter's education that I haven't felt in a long time.  Maybe ever.  And I see a change in her today as she has sat exploring numbers, reading to her sisters and participating in an online class.  She is happy.  She is challenged.  And so far, she is fulfilled.

I know this won't be an easy road and that is exactly why I have chosen to write about it.  I know there will be good days and bad.  Successes and struggles.  And I am completely open to the possibility that this experiment may not work.  But for now, our table is now a desk.

And so the journey begins.